Travels with Grumpus

Maya: Do you love me?

Mickey: You know I do.

Maya: “If you love me, feed my sheep.”

Mickey: Where’s that from, “The Princess Bride”?

Maya: No, the Bible.

Mickey: Oh. Yeah. Rachel, right?

Maya: No, Jesus.

Mickey: So we’re done with dinner. What do we do next?

Maya: I don’t know, what do you want to do?

Mickey: I don’t know, what do you want to do?

Maya: I can’t decide. You decide.

Mickey: I don’t know either. If you were me, what would you feel like doing?

Maybe he was hot as Legolas, but did Orlando Bloom really deserve to be the biggest breakout star out of Lord of the Rings? I mean jeez, strip him of his long blond wig and elvish elan and you’re left with a scrawny, scruffy man-boy who wilts onscreen and projects nothing so much as bewilderment, helplesness and vacuity. No cocksure swaggering charm here; even his voice is wispy. When Menelaus roars, “You left me for this???” to Helen, you have to agree.

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Again??? Have you no pity, Apple? What’s next?

“It is beautiful, is it not?” he said. “Elegant and classic in its simplicity.”

A: What Mickey and Maya do best.

After that phone call from the soon-to-be Mrs L, I was in a bit of a daze. Thankfully, the conscious part of my brain registered how much my chocolate-brown patent-leather high-heeled Mary Janes had put me in hock to the family coffers. Grumpus was similarly inhibited. At first, that is. But, marching heedless into the arms of temptation, he tried on those rubber-soled lace-ups and — how do you say it? — fell promptly in love. As we silently contemplated how good they looked, I offered, none too wisely, “Comes a point in the credit card cycle when you just say ‘What the heck’.”

“Yeah … ” he said.

Silence. More contemplation.

“… I’m sorry, sweetie. I’m buying them.”

Took all of 2 minutes.

Rrrrrrrrrring. Rrrrrrrring.

Mona: Hey ats!

Maya: Hey! What’s up?

Mona: I have something weighing down my left hand.

Maya: What, a bottle of beer?

Mona: No, lighter than that.

Maya: What, a glass of wine?

Mona: No, lighter than that.

…

Maya (the bulb finally lights up): Holy crap!!!! You’re engaged!

Mona: Yup!

Holy crap. My little sister’s engaged. I want to cry.

Maya: I think I have a brain tumor.

Mickey: Yeah, me too!

Maya: Why, do you get these sudden headaches?

Mickey: Yeah …

Maya: Then if we both have brain tumors, we’re going to die at the same time!

Mickey: Yay!

Friendship, love, betrayal, heartbreak in the lives of four ordinary small plastic animals. Click on the picture and flip through the “small friends” set to read the whole sordid story.