Travels with Grumpus

Grumpus: I resolve to eat myself sick today.

Mickey’s dad (Grumpus Sr), after a discussion on failed land reform, a badly-educated populace, and assorted other national ills: We’re a stupid nation.

# of days into Christmas holiday: 13

# of siblings who came home for the holidays: 3 (including Maya)

% of K family home for Christmas: 100

# of future brothers-in-law met for the first time: 1

# of times been to airport to meet/ see someone off: 3

# of nights spent imbibing copious amounts of alcohol: 8

# of days woken up with a hangover: 8

# of days woken up at or near noon: 10

Average # of meals a day: 4

Average amount of calories consumed per meal: 2000

Need for a detox: Desperate

Frequency with which I resolve to eat/ drink less: daily

US Box office: $128m

International box office: $153.6m

Ass being kicked by: The Chronicles of Narnia

# of Katigbaks who saw the movie together: 7

Cheesy movie line of the day: “In the end, ’twas beauty killed the beast.”

“In the old days the bride’s parents used to make the groom perform 7 years of hard labor,” I explained to my sister’s German houseguest who walked in right in the middle of Joseph’s father’s speech. “Nowadays it’s just a symbolic meeting where the groom and his parents meet the bride and her family and formally ask for her hand in marriage. Oh, and agree on some sort of bride price. Cows or gold or something”

“Oh, ok,” Carola nodded, smiling.

“Joseph’s dad is just about to offer a herd of carabaos for Mona. And we sure could use them carabaos.”

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US box office: $66.2m; $50m over the weekend. Disappointing and unremarkable to the headline writers, but I’m still gunning for Jackson.

International box officce: $80m

Christmastime is when Mickey and I switch personalities. As December draws near, Grumpus’ eyes begin lighting up, his lips unfurl and begin curling upwards, and his cadences acquire a strange, almost musical lilt. A week into his birth month, he is positively radiating good cheer: Christmas CDs come off the shelves and into the CD player, Christmas TV adverts get hearty applause, and there’s humming and help from him as I trim the tree. He is impossible to annoy in December: “I love Christmas!” he sings. “Let’s buy lots and lots of presents for everybody!”

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Maya: So you and your husband are taking your parents and his parents on a 16-day cruise around the Mediterranean. The trip sounds awesome!

Pam: Yup!

Maya: Yeah, Mickey’s been talking about sending his parents on a cruise. But if they go, my parents should get one too!

Pam: So why don’t you guys all go together and take the same cruise we’re taking?

Maya: Well, let’s see … 2 weeks on a boat together with his folks and mine … I’m pretty sure that’s very close to Mickey’s definition of hell.

Tomatometer: 84%, 7.8/10 (final)

Box office: $9.8m opening day, below expectations

Cost: $207m

King Kong headline of the day: here

Apropos of our earlier rant on free trade and development, here’s a NY Times op-ed piece that has the gall, the gall, I tell ya, to find Bono, Pitt and Jolie and their misplaced, misinformed do-gooding annoying. I say aye, Mr. Theroux.

Substitute “IMF loans and cheap money” for “humanitarian aid,” keep the brain drain and the corrupt politicians, and take away the rock star and Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and voila, you have my beloved country.

I give you the Philippines, the Ireland of Asia. Sorta brings to mind that great Alan Parker movie, eh? Yeah, you know which bit of dialogue I’m talking about.