Travels with Grumpus

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death

Number one at the box office and only playing in 683 theaters. Not bad.

Liberia elects Ellen Johnson Sirleaf. I hope she’s like Precious Ramotswe.

Worldwide box office: $472m

Chronicles of Narnia worldwide box office: $544m

Box office rank and take last Saturday: 7, $3.2m

Chronicles rank and box office take last Saturday: 4, $4.29m

Brokeback Mountain rank and box office take last Saturday: 9, $2.3m

# of theaters King Kong is playing: 2,814

# of theaters Brokeback is playing: 683

What to do, if you’re a studio exec, the next time PJ proposes spending $207m on a movie: Make sure there are homoerotic undertones.

Maya: I don’t know what’s more fun. Looking at pictures of bags, or looking at pictures of shoes.

Mickey turns his head slowly and says, with a quizzical look on his face: That should go on the blog.

“”Ugh, it looks moldy!” said Mickey.

And it ain’t pretty

It was at a family reunion two Christmases ago that one of Grumpus’ cousins noted, “Boy, you look sharp, Mickey! Maya sure cleaned you up good!”

“Excuuuuse me,” he retorted. “I always had style. I just never had any money.”

What is the proper spousal reaction to such shamelesness? Bemusement? “Huh? What? Who? Us? Shop?” Amusement? “Oh, isn’t he just precious! Such wit!” Denial? “Oh no, we don’t shop all that much. And we only shop during sale season!” Embarrassment? “No, he didn’t mean to imply that we’re a couple of mindless consumers!”

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Ah heck, who am I kidding? Fact is, what I do best is buy stuff. I went with Tricia and and a chartered bus full of women on a shopping trip to Shenzhen early last month. We bypassed the Lowu shopping mall and headed straight for 3 other buildings full of “household stuff.” Yes, I am fully aware of the image a gaggle of women on a shopping expedition in a foreign land presents but heck, I have no shame when given the opportunity to buy cool stuff really cheaply.

No, I did not know what to expect. No, I did not have a budget or a battle plan. So even though I fully intended to buy Christmas presents for other people, my resolve dissolved into thin air as soon as we entered our first store. Porcelain dishes. Dishes. Who knew they could put me in such a frenzy? Who even knew white came in so many different shapes? Square! Round! Teardrop! Oh Lord, can you put square and round in the same setting? Do the serving dishes have to match? Who cares? If they’re all white, they all go together!

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